Research Project ES001 The Nessie Study Sponsor: School of Environmental Studies Aim: Determine the existence of the Loch Ness Monster Funding Sources*: Lake Havasu Environmental and Tourism Foundation Government of Saudi Arabia - Water Department

IUN's School of Environmental Studies

Methodology:

A pipeline will be built from Loch Ness to Inverness. This will be funded by a grant from the Lake Havasu Environmental and Tourism Foundation which has purchased an option on the monster should she be found.

Over a number of years, the water of Loch Ness will be pumped through the pipeline to waiting tankers which will transport the water safely to Saudi Arabia.

If the Loch Ness Monster exists, it will eventually be exposed by the steadily lowered water level.

If it does not exist, then it will be proven through the complete draining of the loch.

If discovered, the monster's survival in the reduced loch may be questionable. Arrangement have been made to transport the Loch Ness Monster to Lake Havasu, where she will be a valuable tourist attraction along with the rebuilt London Bridge.

Upon capture, DNA samples will be extracted for a follow-up study to be conducted by IUN's School of Ethics in Medicine. If subsequent cloning is successful, then one or more of the clones will be returned to Loch Ness, presuming Nature has refilled the basin.

Footnote:

*Funds provided by these agencies will be divided as follows -

1. 20% to the Government of Scotland
2. 20% to various municipal governments in the Loch Ness region
3. 20% for the actual conduct of the study
4. 40% for political facilitation fees (recipients' names withheld)